Last week was a rough week for me. In the beginning of the week, I felt frustrated, emotional, and burnt out. Then, on Thursday, I got the stomach flu! I was too sick to go to my radiation appt., so they will tack on another treatment at the end.
I realized that I needed to release and deal with some of my emotions about this whole process... grieve my pain (physical and emotional), my loss of control and freedom, my fears, etc.. I'm in a constant state of awareness of what is going on with my body and sometimes I just want to not notice or care and live my life "normally". So, I let myself go there... "lean into the sharp points" as Pema Chodron would say. Instead of hiding, escaping, ignoring, or covering up what I was thinking/feeling, I jumped in and dealt with it. I think it's slightly ironic that, in the midst of dealing with all of it, I physically got sick (coincidence?). Having the stomach flu (with aches, chills, etc..) also gave me a taste of what the inteferon may feel like, especially initially. (They have told me that I will feel like I have a mild-moderate case of the flu.) Hopefully, I will be pleasantly surprised and have very mild symptoms.
By Friday, I was feeling physically well again and felt a shift back to a more positive attitude. This weekend was a great time for me to rest and really appreciate my family. Todd is really an amazing partner. Despite the stress of working and parenting (and doing a lot of extras, like laundry, making lunches for the kids, grcoery shopping, etc..), his love and support has been unconditional and unwavering. He is always striving to do what's best for the kids and I. It's easy to overlook and take it for granted, but this weekend, I was very aware of how lucky I am. (And, yes, we had a great Valentines Day!)
And, of course, my kids are amazing. They keep me laughing and overflowing with love... and occasionally pulling my hair out! But, I am so happy to have them in my life. Their beautiful faces are very good medicine/therapy for me!
As for the boring details... my skin is red (although not too painful) and I have developed some small, itchy blisters. I was not able to make it to PT all week due to scheduling conflicts and being sick on Thurs. But, I have still noticed increased range of motion. I think after the radiation, when the tissue has a chance to heal and not be so inflamed, I will see even more progress.
On another note, Todd and I are going to see Deepak Chopra speak in Madison on Feb. 23rd. Todd and I both have really gotten into Deepak's work regarding the mind/body connection in healing. He talks a lot about healing from cancer. In his book, Quantum Healing, he describes that when people feel strong and courageous, their body actually makes interferon, which fights off cancer cells! Deepak has been very instrumental in bringing awareness to the benefits of combining eastern healing practices (such as Ayurveda) with western medicine. He believes they both have a place in the healing process.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your continued love and support!
Kim
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