Moving along...

One thing that has bothered me about my blog is the lack of depth... I've shared the logistics, the treatment regimens, what my doctors have told me, etc... But, there is so much under the surface stuff that I have not shared. Probably for a good reason... it's difficult to put it into words!

Through this process, many people have commented to me about my "strength" and positive attitude. Many people have admitted that they don't think they could handle the situation if they were in my shoes.... and some have admitted to wishing for a similar "wake up call" (without the cancer part, of course!). Of course, I told them that we all have innate strength and wisdom! At my very core, I believe that a positive attitude and love heals the body. I believe negativity and depression hurts the body. The choice to incorporate all that is positive, loving, and healing is such an obvious choice on so many levels! I also believe that living my life in this way helps pave the way for all the blessings that pour into my life.

One part of my personal "medicine" is smiling at everyone I see when I am at UW Hospital (and elsewhere!). Sharing this love and light helps heal my soul and my body... and I believe it heals others, too. I believe that people have a very deep craving to feel connected with others, but for some reason, they don't do anything about it. We all have something to share... wisdom, life experiences, love, or just a smile! (Imagine if everyone you walked by smiled at you!) The other day, I walked by a woman who was morbidly obese and in a wheelchair. I looked right into her eyes and smiled at her. She looked at me with a look of obvious suprise and gave me a beautiful smile back. And, of course, I chat with everyone. I've found that having a warm, caring, and positive attitude is contagious. I have many nice conversations with people each day I go in for my treatment. I had a therapist say to me yesterday, "Don't you feel scared about what is going to happen next?" (!?!) I was more than puzzled by this statement and asked her to clarify. She said something to the effect of, "I don't know, I guess if I had cancer and was going through the treatments, I would always be worried about what was going to happen next with my treatments (side effects), worrying about my next treatment, or if the cancer would come back." I looked at her and said, "I don't worry about those things at all. I trust my body and I know that I am already healed from the cancer. I'm just making sure it doesn't come back." I left kind of shocked that she, the medical professional who is adminstering the radiation treatment, had this kind of attitude and that she was so honest with me. I think she sensed that I didn't feel that way and wanted to know my "trick".

It turns out that I have a very strong connection with my physical therapist. We have a great partnership. I saw her today and, for some reason, I was just in a different state of mind when I got there today. As she was massaging the adhesions and tissue, I could feel the tears coming and I started to cry. She stopped and said, "It's O.K. to cry." She knew that I wasn't crying from the pain (although I think the pain gave me an outlet to release my emotions) and she gave me a safe place to release that emotional pain. She opened up to me that she lost her husband and soulmate when she was 31 years old. She believed very strongly in releasing that emotion and invited me to feel comfortable doing it with her any time I needed to. She is also giving me an outlet to feel in control. With physical therapy, I am able to see and feel the positive results. The pain is excruitating, but it reminds me of my strength to get through anything. Keeping a positive attitude and mustering up all my strength through this ordeal, doesn't mean it doesn't sometimes feel overwhelming and frustrating and tiring.

I hope to be able to find the time to share my story as much as possible. It's been difficult lately.... both kids have been sick and I have been so tired. I'm hoping to get some rest today while the kids are at school. Sharing with you through this blog is therapeutic for me, so I hope to do it more often.

Much love,
Kim

First week of radiation/ Physical therapy

So, I made it through my first week and a half of radiation... 4 more weeks to go. I've found that the radiation really wipes me out. I've had to lay down and rest every day. The past two days, I have also had some tenderness/inflamation on that side, which I guess is normal. But, it's been pretty uncomfortable. My skin looked red after my treatment the past couple days, too. So, I'm being vigilant about applying cream to the area to keep it protected. I'm just glad my body has a couple days off to rest and recuperate.

When I went to my physical therapy yesterday, I told her that I felt very frustrated by my lack of progress. It seems that no matter how much stretching I do, my range of motion is the same. I was also having a lot of tightness in my shoulder, back, down my arm, and down to my ribs. It seemed that things were getting worse, rather than better. The PT I met with yesterday was someone new. When I layed down on the table, she could immediately see that things weren't looking good. She ended up doing some really, really deep massage of the area... it hurt like HELL! I had tears in my eyes and felt nauseous. She actually was able to loosen up a lot of the scar adhesions, which helped tremendously with my range of motion. When I walked in, my range of motion (lifting my arm outwards away from my body) was 90 degrees... when I left it was 135 degrees!!! I've noticed a dramatic difference in that area today! Needless to say, I've switched all my appointments to her. She also gave me some new exercises to do at home, too.

O.K., kids are calling! I just wanted to post a quick update!

Kim

Update on interferon

I had my second radiation treatment this morning... it went much quicker than yesterday. I think I've finally figured out, after numerous appts., how to get to the right place! :) The clinic is under construction, so it is totally a maze trying to find my way around.

Afterwards, I met with Dr. Albertini to discuss the interferon treatment. We have decided to wait to do the inteferon until after the radiation. He felt pretty strongly that, in my case, the risks outweigh the benefits (my convenience being really the only benefit). Some of the risks include increased risk of radiation toxicity, lymphedema in my arm, and increased fatigue and flu-like symptoms. Also, if a problem does arise with either treatment, it would be more difficult to manage because we would have two courses of treatments going on at the same time. He also shared his concern that, as a parent of young children, both treatments may be too taxing on my body and I won't be able to manage the side effects as well. He also told me that he led a national clinical trial with a team of doctors, studying the effects of radiation and interferon treatments and that the team concluded that, except in some cases of advanced, active cancer, the risks often outweighed the benefits... I think this guy actually knows what he's talking about! So, I'm going to go with him on this one! :)

So, if everything goes as planned, I will start the interferon at the end of February. The treatment should be finished less than a week before we are supposed to head to Florida. Also, yesterday Charter announced that Todd was awarded a trip to a five-start resort in Mexico the first week in March. Obviously, we won't be able to make the trip, which is a big bummer. But, we'll hopefully be planning another trip later in the year.

I'm definitely feeling pretty fatigued the past two days... not sure if it's from the radiation or just running around so much this week... or school being cancelled for the past two days and having two energetic kids!!! :) I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend where I can catch up on some much need rest!

Kim

First radiation treatment

I went in today for my first radiation treatment. It went fine. Honestly, driving to UW Hospital, parking, and getting to the clinic is the biggest pain of it all (especially on such a bitter cold day)! (Although, I consider myself lucky that I live in town! I know many people have to drive from far away for their treatment.) Typically, side effects (feels like a bad sunburn in the area) don't show up until about 2 weeks in. I have to lather the area with cream to keep the area moisturized... the radiation basically stops your body's ability to make oil and the skin tissue gets damaged. Otherwise, the treatment was pretty uneventful... lay on a table, hold some bars above my head, and lay still. The tricky part is that that I have to lay in the exact same position every treatment, so there is a lot of tweeking to get my body in just the right position. I was happy when the tech offered to put on a little Sheryl Crow! Music makes such a big difference in my mood! :)

I'm anxious for my appt. tomorrow to see when I will start the Inteferon... bring it on!!!

Kim

lotsahelpinghands.com

If you are interested in helping with meals or other "tasks" (none right now, but maybe down the road), please check out the website my wonderful sister started to help manage and organize days/times.
http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/610221/

Kim

Starting treatment

Hello everyone-
It's been a little overwhelming and difficult for me to keep everyone updated on the what's going on with my treatment plan. I seem to just be running all over the place these days. I've decided to start this blog as a way to update you all.

I met with the Radiation Oncologist on Monday and had my "planning" CT scan this morning. This scan gives them a way to map out the area to be treated (I even got 4 permanent tatoos!). I will start radiation therapy this Thursday. This week has been frustrating because I found out that I will need daily radiation treatment for 5 1/2 weeks. But, the lower dose of radiation spread out over a longer time period will reduce the likelihood of the cancer coming back by 95%! My melanoma Oncologist wants to start the daily interferon treatment (which is another 4 weeks) AFTER the radiation is over. This means 10 weeks of going to UW Hosptial every day for treatment. After that, I will do the interferon treatment at home for the next year. My radiation Oncologist seems to think that we can do the radiation and the interferon treatments at the same time. I meet with my Oncologist on Friday and I plan on requesting that we do them at the same time, if possible. I also left a message with his nurse today. I'd rather feel like crap for 5 1/2 weeks then prolong the process for twice as long!

I've also started physical therapy to help get my range of motion back in my arm. The therapist is also helping massage the scar tissue, which helps with the tightness I feel in that area. Of course, now that my treatment is starting, scheduling these PT appts. is going to be difficult, especially since it's at a different clinic.

Emotionally, I'm doing O.K. I'm feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed this week. I'm anxious to just get things moving forward. I'm also concerned that stretching the treatment out is going to make us have to postpone our trip to Disney World the first week of April... Avery has been very excited to spend her 6th birthday (4/9) at Disney World and have breakfast with the princesses. It will be very sad if we have to tell her we won't be able to go over her birthday. But, of course, I have to be concerned about my health first right now. I just don't want this treatment to dominate our life, which this week, with so many appts., it seems to be doing. Once my appts. are all scheduled and I have childcare set up for Drew, I think we'll get into a routine and I'll feel more at ease.

I continue to feel incredibly blessed and grateful for the love and support we continue to receive. We still have people bringing us meals... we have about a weeks worth of frozen meals in our chest freezer! If you do bring us a meal, it is so helpful to me if you can package it in a disposable container (freezer bags, disposable tupperware, etc..). I have a counter full of dishes and pans and I'm trying to figure out how to get them back to people! :) Especially, frozen meals... I feel bad that I have some glass dishes in my freezer! Please know that we are so grateful for the nourishing meals you have brought us! We've also received support in other ways... cards, beads for a healing necklace, flowers, a year's worth of monthly fruit delivery (thanks Shaws and Rappas!), and lots of phone calls and e-mails giving us lots of love and support. We've even received money from some wonderful friends and family, which helped contribute to our new Vitamix juicer (a great way to make fruit/veggie smoothies!). I cannot put into words how much your support means to us!!!

I will continue to provide updates when I can. Feel free to e-mail me at schafferk@charter.net, too! :)

Much love,
Kim